David Brooks on The Resume and the Eulogy - Ellen Anmuth, MS, MSW, LCSW

I was watching Charlie Rose on TV the other night, and was enthralled by the conversation between Charlie Rose and his guest, David Brooks, writer for the NY Times. A segment of David Brooks’ TED Talk was shown, where he discussed the human drive toward behavior that fulfills “the resume”, versus the drive toward more humanistic and philanthropic activities which may tend to lead to an impressive eulogy. The following transcript comes from his talk. I am including it in this blog, as inspiration for the readers to watch the full TED
Talk, and to embark on a journey of self examination. Are you living your life that will lead to a resume of accomplishments, or are you living a life that leads to a eulogy of humanistic contribution? Enjoy the excerpt below by David Brooks:

“So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.

So I’ve been thinking about that problem, and a thinker who has helped me think about it is a guy named Joseph Soloveitchik, who was a rabbi who wrote a book called “The Lonely Man Of Faith” in 1965. Soloveitchik said there are two sides of our natures, which he called Adam I and Adam II. Adam I is the worldly, ambitious, external side of our nature. He wants to build, create, create companies, create innovation. Adam II is the humble side of our nature. Adam II wants not only to do good but to be good, to live in a way internally that honors God, creation and our possibilities. Adam I wants to conquer the world. Adam II wants to hear a calling and obey the world. Adam I savors accomplishment. Adam II savors inner consistency and strength. Adam I asks how things work. Adam II asks why we’re here. Adam I’s motto is “success.” Adam II’s motto is “love, redemption and return.”
(David Brooks continues…)
“And Soloveitchik argued that these two sides of our nature are at war with each other. We live in perpetual self-confrontation between the external success and the internal value. And the tricky thing, I’d say, about these two sides of our nature is they work by different logics. The external logic is an economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward. The internal side of our nature is a moral logic and often an inverse logic. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer the desire to get what you want. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.”

NOTE: See TED TALK for complete transcript.
Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist