David Brooks on The Resume and the Eulogy

Posted on April 21, 2014 by Ellen Anmuth

I was watching Charlie Rose on TV the other night, and was enthralled by the conversation between Charlie Rose and his guest, David Brooks, writer for the NY Times. A segment of David Brooks’ TED Talk was shown, where he discussed the human drive toward behavior that fulfills “the resume”, versus the drive toward more humanistic and philanthropic activities which may tend to lead to an impressive eulogy. The following transcript comes from his talk. I am including it in this blog, as inspiration for the readers to watch the full TED
Talk, and to embark on a journey of self examination. Are you living your life that will lead to a resume of accomplishments, or are you living a life that leads to a eulogy of humanistic contribution? Enjoy the excerpt below by David Brooks:

“So I’ve been thinking about the difference between the résumé virtues and the eulogy virtues. The résumé virtues are the ones you put on your résumé, which are the skills you bring to the marketplace. The eulogy virtues are the ones that get mentioned in the eulogy, which are deeper: who are you, in your depth, what is the nature of your relationships, are you bold, loving, dependable, consistency? And most of us, including me, would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues. But at least in my case, are they the ones that I think about the most? And the answer is no.

So I’ve been thinking about that problem, and a thinker who has helped me think about it is a guy named Joseph Soloveitchik, who was a rabbi who wrote a book called “The Lonely Man Of Faith” in 1965. Soloveitchik said there are two sides of our natures, which he called Adam I and Adam II. Adam I is the worldly, ambitious, external side of our nature. He wants to build, create, create companies, create innovation. Adam II is the humble side of our nature. Adam II wants not only to do good but to be good, to live in a way internally that honors God, creation and our possibilities. Adam I wants to conquer the world. Adam II wants to hear a calling and obey the world. Adam I savors accomplishment. Adam II savors inner consistency and strength. Adam I asks how things work. Adam II asks why we’re here. Adam I’s motto is “success.” Adam II’s motto is “love, redemption and return.”
(David Brooks continues…)
“And Soloveitchik argued that these two sides of our nature are at war with each other. We live in perpetual self-confrontation between the external success and the internal value. And the tricky thing, I’d say, about these two sides of our nature is they work by different logics. The external logic is an economic logic: input leads to output, risk leads to reward. The internal side of our nature is a moral logic and often an inverse logic. You have to give to receive. You have to surrender to something outside yourself to gain strength within yourself. You have to conquer the desire to get what you want. In order to fulfill yourself, you have to forget yourself. In order to find yourself, you have to lose yourself.”

NOTE: See TED TALK for complete transcript.
Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist

Home Remodeling – 5 Tips for Emotional Coping

Posted on March 2, 2014 by Ellen Anmuth

Have you ever watched “The Property Brothers” on HGTV? I have recently discovered this show, in which people find a “fixer-upper” home, and begin a stressful remodeling project, rather than buy a much more expensive home already remodeled.

Do you have the thought of remodeling an older home? If you do not have the safety and security of the experts on “The Property Brothers” TV show, here are some tips that may help you cope with the stress of a renovation.

Tip #1: Research, Research, Research your contractor!
Find licensed and insured general contractors with a track record of excellent work and recommendations. Interview people who have used these contractors, and ask if they will let you stop over to see the work. Also, you may want to check their licenses with the state and local authorities to make sure that their credentials are current. Contact the Better Business Bureau to view any current open complaints.

Tip #2: Plan your designs carefully. There are websites that have pictures of ideas and design layouts. In addition, you may want to hire an interior designer by the hour for this phase of the project.

Tip #3: Be realistic with your “bank account to dream home ratio”. I just made up that term! You may have millionaire tastes and dreams with a middle class budget. Do your research on the materials and labor costs of each idea, and check your finances with full self awareness and honesty. Hiring a Certified Financial Planner is always a good idea. Home remodeling time may be the impetus to really did into your financial truth.

Tip #4: Learn about Permits in your county, and the requirements. A close friend recently interviewed about 6 different kitchen remodeling firms, and was told many different stories about the need to pull permits. There is only one truth in your municipality or county. Call the permit department directly for the truth. Selling your home years later may be a nightmare if you have not pulled required permits.

Tip #5: Adequate sleep, good nutrition, life balance and stress management techniques need to be integrated into the busy schedule you will encounter. You need to be well rested and healthy in order to make wise decisions. Sleep deprivation, poor eating and stress may result in impulsive decisions that may cause you much unhappiness.

Hopefully, these 5 tips will be helpful when embarking on the very challenging adventure of home remodeling. May your dream home bring you much joy and fulfillment!

Simon and Garfunkel: Lyrics as Poetry and Inspiration

Posted on August 7, 2013 by Ellen Anmuth

Ellen Anmuth, Genetic Counselor and Licensed Psychotherapist, loves music and poetry. Ellen Anmuth has the intention in this article to uplift and inspire my readers.

As a Licensed Psychotherapist, Genetic Counselor and Founder/Creator of “The Language Of Solutions” Self Improvement and Wellness Programs, I have worked with many people since 1975. Happiness is often related to self esteem. With the TV and Internet, comparison to celebrity is commonplace. Most of us are non-celebrities in the broad public eye, but “ordinary” people do amazing acts of excellence in everyday life. My hope and wish is that all people strive to greatness within their scope of influence, and feel good about themselves as a result.

The purpose of this blog, “EllenAnmuth.com” is to highlight the life and contributions of everyday people who make a difference. Ultimately, the goal is to inspire readers to embrace their own potential to do acts of generosity, creativity and kindness in an excellent way, and know that every act of simple excellence leaves a lifetime impact.

One such person I will honor today is my 8th grade English teacher, Mr. Gobel. He was about 5’9″, wore mostly a corderoy sports jacket with suede pads at the elbows. He always had a trim full face beard that was light brown, and his energy exuded an air of Ivy League intellect and humble charm.

I have a BA in Education, and I know that no college program can teach the secret of creativity that Mr. Gobel could easily express every day. If he worked at being outstanding, nobody could tell. His easygoing relaxed way was occasionally punctuated with verbal passion while teaching literature or poetry. Perhaps he had acting training, because he was amazing to watch. The students were fixed and focused by his quiet charisma and riveting teaching.

It was the mid 60’s, and Simon and Garfunkel had their early album out, with songs like, “Patterns”, “For Emily Where I May Find Her”, “I am a Rock”, and other classics. Mr. Gobel decided to teach literature and poetry using the lyrics from the Simon and Garfunkel popular songs.

As a guitar player and lover of music, the chance to analyze lyrics as if it was poetry was profoundly exciting to me. School took on an energy of excitement and joy. Mr. Gobel was magnetic in his intellectual brilliance, and a role model of humility and greatness. Yes, seeing Simon and Garfunkel as poetry expanded my awareness of song lyrics for the rest of my life, and provided a depth that I treasure. It was a perfect prelude to the hippie and Anti Viet Nam War movement that would soon be.

If you ever feel bad about yourself by comparing yourself to others, remember the greatness of Mr. Gobel….a humble intellectual, who made a profound lifetime impact on a class of 8th graders. If you are a teacher, learn to think outside the box and inspire others with intellect, creativity and quiet passion. For all other readers, be your own best self, as excellent as you can be, and make a difference in the world.

James Taylor’s “The Secret O’ Life”: Inspiration for Peace

Posted on August 6, 2013 by Ellen Anmuth

Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist and Genetic Counselor, has always been inspired by the music of James Taylor. What wisdom can be found in the James Taylor song, “The Secret O’ Life”?

The first line of lyric reads, “The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.” In the early 1970’s I was in High School. My friend John was a musical genius. He could listen to a new James Taylor album one evening, and the next morning bring his guitar to school, and teach me the complicated finger picking techniques of the songs.

I was in awe of John’s musical talents. His generosity and kindness to teach me the guitar techniques of James Taylor is something I cherish, even all these years later.

When I was 17 years old, I would leave my guitar in my locker overnight, and before homeroom, remove my 6 string acoustic guitar, and sit cross-legged with John on the cold floor in the hallway. In 30 minute time frames, every morning before homeroom, he would teach me many songs, such as “Fire and Rain”, “Blossom”, “Country Road” and “You’ve Got a Friend”.

Time seemed to stop, as each step of his music lesson was a treasured moment. I knew I was in the company of a 17 year old musical master, who was able to channel the essence of James Taylor. I cherish the gift that John gave me. I was able to then learn to play the songs of Joni Mitchell, Cat Stevens, Simon and Garfunkel, and Crosby- Stills- Nash and Young, to name a few.

In 2013, I know that the The Secret O’ Life is Enjoying the Passage of Time. Life can get difficult and complicated, and it is not always easy to stay positive. During moments of playing guitar, thinking about the generosity of John, and feeling the vibration of James Taylor’s music, I can transport myself to a place where all is good.

Finding something you love to do and that brings you peace can be the secret of life’s happiness. Dealing with life’s challenges are easier when you can connect to moments of peace and joy.

WONDERFUL UPDATE… September 3, 2013: I just found John after 42 years through Facebook, and discovered that he became a professional musician! My 17 year old guitar genius friend evolved into the gifted musical talent I hoped he would. He gave me permission to use his name in this blog, so here goes….John Lionarons, you are amazing! I am so happy for you! Readers….please see his website: www.JohnLionarons.com

The Extraordinary Impact of Ordinary People

Posted on July 27, 2013 by Ellen Anmuth

Ellen Anmuth, Licensed Psychotherapist and Genetic Counselor, presents a thoughtful glimpse of how small moments of generosity and kindness can create a lifetime of positive impact.

Can you think of someone in your life…childhood or adulthood, who by doing something kind in the realm of “ordinary”, impacted your life in a big way? Or, could YOU be that ordinary person who did a simple act of kindness and left an extraordinary impact on another person’s life?

Here is a true story from my childhood. It is about an experience that at the time I knew was fun and special, and yet not until recently did I reflect on the amazing impact that experience had on my life.

First, a bit about the setting: I grew up on a small island community….a 50 minute train ride from Manhattan, NY. We were blessed to have a large backyard where my brother’s friends had an imaginary baseball field to enjoy playing games on. The long backyard was waterfront property which ended at our dock on a wide channel of water leading to the Atlantic Ocean. July 4th was a special day, when all the kids on the block gathered to watch the panorama of fireworks from our dock on the water.

Beautiful sunsets were an event in my home, announced by my mother, who would joyfully say, “Look at the Sunset!”. We would run to the backyard, where the setting sun splashed colors from the sky to the bay. The word I used was “wonderful”…yes, we were in wonder of the experience of the sunsets, watching over a period of 30 minutes or so, while the colors of the world changed and morphed, like a spiritual painter was using a canvas of nature. Orange, pink, red, blue, and all shades in between spanned from the sky in layers and reflected onto the water. The sun often poured a glittering path on light on the bay from the horizon line to our dock. It was breathtaking and different every night for many years, as there are no two snowflakes that are alike either.

That sunset over the bay was a miracle of nature for me. There were other miracles as I grew up, but they were miracles of kindness from people. One such person was Frank the Milkman. It was a time in the early 1960’s when a bottle of milk delivered to your front door in a glass container was 18 cents. It was a time of innocence in New York in which children did not get abducted and children walked a mile to school alone without fear. Yes, it was like living a Norman Rockwell painting in a Long Island neighborhood.

I must have been in 2^nd grade, and my older brother was in 4^th grade. Once a week, my favorite morning before I went on that mile walk to school, my brother and I would hop into Frank the Milkman’s truck, and become his helpers for the milk delivery for the 10 houses down the block. Now, I said “hop” into his truck, but for me it was a big climb up gigantic steps, pulling myself upward to have a perfect view in what felt like an amusement ride down the block.

My strong older brother was able to carry the iron container of six full glass bottles of milk to the house doorstep (way too heavy for me), and I only had the strength to carry the 6 empty bottles back to the truck. With great joy, I savored every moment of this ritual down the block, while I remember the quiet kindness of Frank the Milkman, always gentle, always approving, and I now assume, always grateful for our company. Most of all, I know the special experience he gave to me and my brother. We had fun, felt loved, appreciated and felt empowered. We knew we did a job well done, and also had an amusement park type ride in this super-duper, open to the world milk truck– a perfect combination!

I am sure Frank is no longer alive, as he was a grandfatherly age when I was in 2^nd grade. I doubt he ever realized the sweet impact he had on my life…the way I looked forward to this special treat of delivering milk every week. My brother and I would joyfully walk or skip home at the end of the block, while Frank continued delivering milk to the other homes on his route. I would get ready for the walk to school, and start the day with happiness in my heart. Thanks, Frank, wherever you are, for the gift you gave to me as a small child.

For the readers of this blog, I wonder if you could ever imagine the way a small act of kindness you might do could leave an imprint of joy in another person, that they remember all their lives. Yes, think of this when you live your life, feeling only ordinary. You always have the chance to do a simple act of kindness and be extraordinary in the heart and mind of another person.